Week 16 Picks

Minnesota at GREEN BAY (-3) It's the second annual "Final Brett Farve Home Game." The over/under on how many final home games Farve will play is currently five.

KANSAS CITY at Oakland (+6.5) Art Shell is like that substitute teacher the kids all loved, but used to go home every night and cry.

WASHINGTON at St. Louis (-2) The emergence of Ladell Betts pretty much proves my theory that 90 percent of NFL running backs are interchangeable.

TAMPA BAY at Cleveland (-3) I know a girl who knows nothing about football and wouldn't know Tampa on a labeled map of Tampa/St. Petersburg, but is completely in love with Jon Gruden. Is this normal?

Tennessee at BUFFALO (-4.5) Rosie O'Donnell said some mean things about Donald Trump. Now Trump has threatened to sue O'Donnell for what she said. I've threatened lawsuit over an insult before. Of course I was seven when I did. I was a smart seven year old too, because I actually told the kid who inslulted me I was going to sue his deeper pocketed parents. And, as a result of their financial devastation, his parents would have to put him up for adoption. And he would be adopted by a mean witch who would keep him locked in the basement and feed him only bread crumbs. So I guess that's what Rosie has to look forward to.

New Orleans at GIANTS (-3) At least Giant's fans have Tiki Barber's broadcast career to look forward to.

NEW ENGLAND at Jacksonville (-2.5) Tom Brady dumped his actress girlfriend last week. He figured Mike Vrabel could always fill that roll in a pinch.

INDIANAPOLIS at Houston (+9) Every time Peyton Manning does well I think about how Tee Martin led Tennessee to a national championship the year after Manning left. Then I giggle.

Chicago at DETROIT (+5) The Lions have spent most of the millennium drafting wide receivers with their always high first round picks. Yet their leading receiver this year was undrafted. And he came into the league as a defensive back. And he is white. And that's all you need to know about the Lions.

CAROLINA at Atlanta (-6.5) I had Carolina going to the Super Bowl too.

Baltimore at PITTSBURGH (-3) If Pittsburgh had handled the whole early season Roethlisburger injury mess better, we'd be talking about a potential back-to-back Super Bowl champion right now.

ARIZONA at San Fransisco (-4) Fearful of that 12th digit, the Pentagon slyly asked congress for 99.7 billion dollars for Iraq and Afghanistan. It works for gas stations.

SAN DIEGO at Seattle (+4.5) Rocky Six, which opened big yesterday, is now expected to "knock out" the competition. Expect Rambo IV to "blow away" the competition sometime in late '07.

CINCINNATI at Denver (-3) The blizzard conditions in Denver should keep the Bengals inside and out of trouble this weekend.

PHILADELPHIA at Dallas (-7) Owens. Garcia. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.

JETS at Miami (-2.5) With the Jets joining the snowbird's migration to Florida this year, the big fear among the retired set is Mangini will clear out the early bird buffets before they get a crack at them.