When medical research results in a punch line

Worried about an unusually high rate of condom failure, India's leading medical research institute embarked on a two-year study of the penis sizes of Indian men.

The study will be released in early 2007 and, if the preliminary findings hold, it will not be a banner day for Indian manhood.

That is because the institute will conclude the reason for this 20 percent condom failure rate is the small penis size of the Indian man. On average five centimeters (two inches) too small for a condom fitted to international standards.

Which begs the question -- since this obviously wasn't a self-reporting exercise -- how does one go about measuring the erect penis of another?

At first the institute "devised an automated system in which an image of the penis would be taken and the computer would interpret different dimensions."

However, that didn't measure up either, and was "discarded for a simple paper-tape that was found to be more practical."

In defense of the Indian man, when confronted with a lab coat and a tape-measure even the best of us would struggle to "be all that you can be."