Week 14 pics

Cleveland at PITTSBURGH (-7) As a play-by-play man, Bryant Gumbel sounds like a tangier Greg Gumbel.

OAKLAND at Cincinnati (-11) The Bengals are back to committing felonies -- just in time for Christmas.

Tennessee at HOUSTON (-1) Vince Young and Mario Williams are both officially good now. If they started completing 50 percent of their passes and actually sacking people the sky would be the limit.

Atlanta at TAMPA BAY (+3) If you're like me, you're getting sick of Florida's "peninsula" act. It was cute for a few hundred years, but it's windy and dangerous out there. Isn't it about time for Florida to stick its damn head back in the car?

PHILADELPHIA at Washington (+1) I hate to broach a sensitive subject, but does anyone else think the reason Jeff Garcia is always rubbing people the wrong way has solely to do with how funny looking he is? Then again, Sam Cassell is universally adored (in a limited NBA as a universe kind of way.)

GIANTS at Carolina (+3) Unlike the gimpy Jake Delhomme, Eli Manning has two thumbs. Which means he can still do the who-has-two-thumbs-and-is-beginning-to-realize-I-may-have-got-in-over-my-head-by-entering-the-family-business routine. The chicks dig that one.

BALTIMORE at Kansas City (-3) Wire season finale Sunday night at 10 on HBO.

NEW ENGLAND at Miami (+3.5) Tom Brady risks years of goodwill by taking on fantasy football stalwart Yahoo on licensing issues. It's probably a good thing, because the man love was getting really uncomfortable.

Minnesota at DETROIT (-1) If you find yourself doing play-by-play for the Vikings/Lions match up, rest assured it will be a long time before you are known "nationally."

INDIANAPOLIS at Jacksonville (+1) Jacksonville, now that's a geographically well-behaved Florida city.

SEATTLE at Arizona (+3.5) The Seahawks are a tough team to read, but if they win 10 or 11, wouldn't they be the favorite to get out of the NFC?

Green Bay at SAN FRANCISCO (-4) Over the last few weeks, through no fault of my own, I've learned much more about the sex lives Paul Hornung and Bart Starr than I ever imagined I would.

Denver at SAN DIEGO (-7.5) Jay Cutler was watching Jake Plummer a little too closely, it appears.

Buffalo at JETS (-3.5) If the Jets were in the NFC, they'd be the popular pick to reach the Super Bowl.

New Orleans at DALLAS (-6.5) The world is a better place when a Gramatica is celebrating.

Chicago at ST. LOUIS (+6.5) Rex Grossman's stunningly bad performance last week allowed, for the first time ever, television ratings and grade point averages to be appropriate analogies for a QB rating.