Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Anna Nicole's trampy ways could make for good TV

Last night body guard/chef Alexander Denk became the fifth person to publicly suggest paternity of Dannielynn, the late Anna Nicole Smith's potentially golden child.

If you are keeping score at home that's Denk, Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, Prince Frederic von Anhalt (not really a prince) and the frozen sperm of long-dead billionaire J. Howard Marshall.

But that's not all. Yesterday we learned Anna Nicole Smith may have been sleeping with Bahamian immigration minister Shane Gibson -- who secured her laser-fast residency on the island nation.

Skin tone and time line might preclude Gibson, but if a fake prince -- who gets paid by the European tabloids to drum up fake stories -- gets consideration, why not a real immigration minister?

Also yesterday, in The Weekly Standard of all places, comedian/actor Larry Miller writes about the time he ran into Anna Nicole while she was on a dinner date with a comically short Arab, who had flown in from Saudi Arabia for one night to take her out and give her a comically large diamond necklace.

I'm sure the Saudi got something out of the visit and, with the price of oil where it's been the last couple years, I bet he's made return trips. I'm throwing him in the mix too.

So now we have Stern, the shyster lawyer; Birkhead, the sensitive photographer; von Anhalt, the faux-titled Eurotrash; Denk, the muscle-bound bodyguard; Gibson, the laid back island man; The Short Deep Pocketed Saudi, the short deep pocketed Saudi; and, of course, a test-tubed shaped popsicle of sperm.

That's quite a collection, all seven of them.

Wait a minute . . . Seven strangers. Picked to live in a house. Work together and have their lives taped. To find out what happens. When people stop being polite. And start finding out who the real father of Dannielynn is.

The Real World -- I might have banged the late Anna Nicole Smith.

I haven't decided if paternity should be established by a series of physical and mental challenges, an audience vote or actual science.

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