Friday, March 09, 2007

Anna Nicole strikes a blow for women's lib

It took 22 days for Anna Nicole Smith to be buried. That's nothing compared to poor James Brown. The Godfather of Soul, who left us with paternity issues of his own, is still being kept in a climate-controlled undisclosed location 75 days after his death.

New evidence suggests the body of Anna Nicole Smith, and the 400 million dollar fortune it holds the secret to, might have been returned to the earth too soon and could be needed above ground for more poking and prodding.

There have been a lot of wild claims on the paternity of Smith's sole living heir. OJ Simpson, he of "slow moving sperm," even chimed in the other day. But what if there was another child?

In a sort of convincing article in the Phoenix New Times, Johnny Soto, a member of the Native American Tohono O'odham nation, claims Anna Nicole Smith is the mother of his five-year old son.

Soto and Smith met when she was taking time out at the Arizona spa where he worked as a maintenance man. One thing led to another and there was a torrid three-month affair full of fried chicken consumption and her demands he kick off of their lovemaking with a "war dance."

Allegedly Smith became pregnant, although she hid it beneath her ever fluctuating weight.

Soto was able to provide a birth certificate with Smith listed as the mother, proof of cashed 10,000 dollar checks Soto claimed Smith sent him monthly for child support, as well as other written correspondences between the two.

The 5-year old Marshall -- named for the family behind the large fortune in question -- does bear a resemblance to his supposed mother, although a skeptic would point out Soto wasn't able to produce photos of himself or his son with Anna Nicole Smith, despite claiming they had a continuing relationship.

Still, if this tale is true, Anna Nicole Smith has struck quite a posthumous blow for women everywhere. No longer can only male celebrities go around wantonly making babies and paying their way out of acknowledgement and child rearing responsibilities. Maybe one day, due to the efforts of this modern day Susan B. Anthony, they will call it a maternity test.

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