Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Paris is slim and fit and ready to change (the world)

Paris was finally liberated, last night, at about 12:15 West Coast time. Coverage today has so far been muted, especially compared to the multi-media hysterics that took place during the penal status confusion surrounding the heiress two weeks ago. Whether this lower-key approach is a result of Hilton burnout or professional shame, I'm not sure. But I am disappointed, since the deeper the New York Times is forced to dig into Paris's affairs the better I feel about myself.

I am also disappointed that Paris didn't look like a hideous beast when she emerged from her cell with the minimal amount of make up allowed. In fact she looked pretty good. And, despite supplementing her standard three daily meals of starchy prison food with a bevy of starchy snacks purchased from the prison canteen while, ostensibly, refraining from cocaine use, Hilton was even able to drop seven pounds. A couple weeks in the clink could be the new Zone Diet.

Paris is now set for a post-incarceration publicity push that will surely include babble about epiphanies, prisoner advocacy and her responsibilities to the world's youth. That and a lot of crying.

If the reaction to Paris 2.0 is positive, expect the short jail sentence -- which combines the shock of a leaked sex tape with the aw of a trip to rehab -- to be this season's vagina flash amongst the celebutante set.

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