Thursday, August 16, 2007

Foxy Brown might be my new hero

The downside to our march towards nanotechnology is that it is now nearly impossible to properly cellphone whip a sarcastic clerk or a thick-skulled domestic. Once upon a time mobile phones showed great promise as a tool for behavior modification and maintaining class hierarchy. Even more than the traditional phone, the mobile was the prefect length and weight to deliver a firm but indifferent slap across the face of that muddy-booted lawn worker who forgot to use the service entry.

These days, not only does everyone have a "cell" phone, but cells have become so tiny you might as well clutch it like a roll of quarters and just slug the uncooperative parking lot attendant. Or go all Russell Crowe and throw the thing at the slow moving air hostess.

But where is the dignity there? You start expending too much energy and emotion on the proletariat and before long you become part of it.

This morning I learned rich and famous hip hop recording artist Foxy Brown may have struck an appropriately understated blow for the upper class when she Blackberry whipped a drug store employee last month.

Blackberry whipped. I can't remember the last time a phrase brought me so much joy. I never even realized a Blackberry whipping was possible. Foxy Brown must have some small hands or an extra long Blackberry.

Although subsequent reports have hinted Ms. Brown, who is already on probation for assaulting an uppity manicurist, might have hurled the Blackberry at the dismissive shelf-stacker.

Boo to that. Maybe it's true what they say about taking the ghetto out of certain individuals.

But me, I'm still holding out hope the Blackberry whip is now in play. And soon the smug barista won't be so smug. Or the chatty cab driver so chatty.

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