Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Lindsay Lohan just got really expensive

There hasn't been a lot of news about Lindsay Lohan lately, which is too bad. Forced to focus on other things, our media have been trying to sell us on a character like Mahmoud Ahmajinejad. The Iranian President might share Lindsay's tendency for loopy delusions, but he completely lacks her spectacular breasts. (And his name is maddeningly hard to spell.)

The reason behind Lindsay's untimely absence is she has spent the last month or so at the Cirque Lodge, a rehabilitation facility in Utah. Despite sharing half of its name with a Vegas show, the Cirque Lodge seems to have somewhat of a restrictive stance on paparazzi.

But don't worry, 52 pages of divorce papers filed in Savannah, Georgia last week have clued us in to what Lindsay has been up to during her summer vacation: Having sex with someone else's husband.

Stephanie Allen fingers Linsday as the other woman in her doomed marriage to Tony Allen, the front man of a rock band called "Dead Stay Alive." I've never heard of the group, but I bet they have a kicking Myspace page.

Lindsay and Tony Allen met while they were both rehabbing at Cirque Lodge. While Tony denies their relationship was sexual, there have been reports of Allen being overheard bragging to friends about bagging the actress.

The catch is wronged wife Stephanie Allen is heir to a 1.4 billion dollar fortune, having something to with packaging and McDonald's.

Meaning sleeping with Lindsay Lohan could cost another human being over a billion dollars.

Whereas just a few months ago if you had yourself a band with a kicking Myspace page you could have probably slept with Lindsay Lohan for a couple grams of coke and false words of praise for "I Know Who Killed Me."

So don't let them tell you going to rehab and trying to clean yourself up won't improve your worth, self or otherwise.

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