Week two picks

I opened 8-6-2. This week I will attempt to turn some of those ties into victories:

HOUSTON at Carolina (-6.5) In an attempt to exploit Houston's leaky O-line, the Panthers tried to sign hurricane Humberto.

CINCINNATI at Cleveland (+6.5) Cincinnati's plan for victory includes a referendum on gay marriage.

ATLANTA at Jacksonville (-10.5) We can all agree on General Petrino's "surge" so far being a failure.

Giants at GREEN BAY (+2.5) Brett Favre continues to flaunt convention by giving absolutely no thought to where he is throwing the football.

BUFFALO at Pittsburgh (-9.5) So far so good for the Steelers in the post-Cowher era, but I think they will start missing the spittle as the season moves along.

San Fransisco at ST. LOUIS (-3) Being that my favorite college football team is the one playing Notre Dame, and my second favorite is the one playing Michigan, this might be the year for me to shift some of my NFL focus to the college game. If Ohio State also starts losing, my decision will pretty much be made.

New Orleans at TAMPA BAY (+3.5) Reggie Bush is a nice player but his upside is a Tiki Barber or a Brian Westbrook -- and he is not close to being there yet.

INDIANAPOLIS at Tennessee (+7) If Vince Young wants Peyton Manning's clever cell phone commercials, he is going to have to take them from him on the field.

SEATTLE at Arizona (+3) That English doctor now suspected by Portuguese authorities of being involved in the disappearance of her daughter should really be jumping up and down and telling the world she is prepared to take a lie detector test. I know many think a lie detector is junk science -- even though it's good enough for CIA staffing decisions. But, like in the Duke case, when there is such a stark difference between the charge and the denial, a willingness to take the test does wonders for your perception of innocence. Although, from my perspective, I want more ambiguity on the off-chance it will lead to an old fashioned naval battle between traditional allies England and Portugal.

DALLAS at Miami (+3.5) Britney Spears should be watching Tony Romo for tips on how to come back strong from a nationally televised inexplicable debacle.

Minnesota at DETROIT (-3) Thanks to Larry Craig, now visiting homosexual players know where in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport to go to for fun.

JETS at Baltimore (-10) While the Jets probably won't have to worry about illicit camera work this week, an injured Ray Lewis stalking the sidelines has its own perils.

Kansas City at CHICAGO (-12) From now on, every week I will grant myself one game that I am completely unable to make comment on. And, by not commenting, I will be expressing an opinion of sorts. So this is it.

Oakland at DENVER (+9.5) Al Davis would have never let the Jamarcus Russell negotiations drag on for so long if he were still alive.

SAN DIEGO at New England (-3.5) For those who don't believe New England was punished enough for their camera hijinks, think about it this way: There are very few current players in the NFL that would be worth a first round pick -- even a late first round pick -- in a trade.

Washington at PHILADELPHIA (-6.5) As model a franchise as Philly has been over the last eight years, they are the only model franchise I can think of that would dare open the season without a position as essential as punt returner.