Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Long Island Lolita is back and in the buff

There are certain things that exist even though they don't fulfill any discernible need, and we would be better off without them. The appendix, the WNBA, and John Edwards come to mind.

I was about to add the soon-to-be-released Amy Fisher sex tape -- co-staring her latest much older Italian-American fella -- to this list. But, after viewing the almost safe for work publicity stills, I have to admit the curly haired girl who once put the Nabokov into Nassau County is looking pretty good. Which is impressive, because I don't remember thinking she was at all attractive when she was a lot younger and more notorious. Since I don't see any signs of massive reconstructive surgery, it's possible all those years in prison agreed with her. It's also possible that pornography agrees with her.

Not just any pornography, but this tape is rumored to be of the old-fashioned plot-driven variety. While storyboarding porn probably isn't complicated enough to be considered a lost art, I recently learned Fisher, who writes a column for the Long Island Press, once won an award from the Society of Professional Journalists -- so she just might be the lucid-penned harlot to bring full-length feature pornography back into vogue.

One thing that will not be found in the tape is Amy's former paramour Joey Buttafuoco. Which is too bad, because if Buttafuoco means what I think it means in Italian (and even if it doesn't) it makes for a pretty spectacular, multi-genre, porn name.

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