Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Finally, there is a reason for "extreme" sports

Sometimes, when chatting with a girl I have just met, I like to keep things interesting by saying I am a race car driver. This tactic works particularly well in the Northeastern seaboard of the United States, where the chance of a female knowing anything about motor sports is close to nil.

Unlike with the other professional sports, there isn't a certain look that would disqualify the average person from claiming he drove fast cars for a living. And, although the chicks are basically in the dark about the race car game, most will have suspicions that it is both dangerous and lucrative -- two qualities many women value in a man's profession.

If pressed for details, I will go on about tire testing and meeting with the crew and having to be in Indianapolis on Wednesday. It always helps when this conversation goes down in a crowded, noisy room where it is hard to hear what the other person is saying.

I often suspect my new friend is on to me, but she admires the sneakiness of my strategy and the entertaining manner in which I stick to it.

So I was pretty happy with the whole race car driver thing until last night, when I was watching TMZ on TV. There was a segment on Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend -- the one who she met in rehab and is always described as being a "professional snowboarder." Apparently this has rankled the pro snowboarding community because none of them have ever heard of the guy. A popular snowboarding website even challenged him to provide evidence that he competes in pro events or receives money from a sponsor.

Now I'm sure he does at least own a snowboard -- much like I own a car. And therein lies the brilliance of his ruse. While my trickery has a shelf-life of hours, because he put himself into the nebulous, under-the-radar world of extreme sports he was able to be linked to one of the most scrutinized people on earth for almost a month before being revealed a fraud.

I am race car driver no more. Next time I claim pro snowboarder, or pro skateboarder, or pro mountain climber or pro whatever-the-kids-with-the-oversized-t-shirts-and-trendy-backwards-hats are.

You never know, maybe one day a pro blogger will do the trick. But until then I'm going to need to get me one of those long wallet chains.


Anonymous said...

Or just borrow Vince Vaughan's classic, succinct line from Swingers: "I'm a producer."

JT said...

The problem with that tact, is if you happen to be speaking to a wannabe actress/entertainer type (and aren't they all.) Of course that could work for you, but not everyone is as smooth as Vince Vaughn