Thursday, November 15, 2007

The war on hos continues

For fear of getting Imused, the staffing company that supplies Santas to the majority of Australia's shopping malls has banned its white bearded charges from using "ho, ho, ho," Santa's traditional expression of yuletide mirth.

While the Claus impersonators of Oz struggle to figure out new ways to be jolly, let's explore the other persons, places and things that the now ubiquitous abbreviated word for a woman of ill-repute has ruined.

The Hoe
Agribusiness, droughts and rising costs have left the once-proud American institution of family farming in steep decline. But it was one snickering remark too many about him being "alone in the field with a hoe all day" that finally pushed MacDonald to abandon the big red barn and apply for a job at Walgreens.
Ho Chi Minh
To aging boomers Ho Chi Minh evokes a trail, a city, a sneaky revolutionary and an American foreign policy blunder. To the under-30 set, Ho Chi Minh evokes that time they paid an extra 20 bucks to get a happy ending from a snaggletoothed masseur in the basement of a Chinese restaurant.

Idahoans should be known as a straight-laced, plain-spoken potato eating folk -- with only the occasional airport bathroom same sex indiscretion. But because some bus stop pimp was too lazy for the word "whore," residents of the Spud State now out themselves as promiscuous illiterates with lousy articulation each time they mention where they come from.

Gung Ho
More than just a stepping stone on Michael Keaton's journey to Batman, this Ron Howard directed comedy is still the most insightful commentary there is on the delicate state of Japanese/American economic relations during the turbulent 80s. Perhaps if they had had the prescience to call the film "Banzai" it would get the credit it deserves.


Anonymous said...

I had a HO-scale model train when I was a lad. Lionel Trains should be ashamed.

JT said...

So should Don Ho. I'd like to see him dug up so he can apologize.