Friday, November 16, 2007

Week eleven picks

There are a lot of football prognosticators out there on the Internet, but this is the home to the only one who last week predicted Adrian Peterson would suffer a knee ligament injury. Taking pleasure in the first chapter of what should be a long story of heartbreak for the NFL's most promising running back since Barry Sanders is really all you can do when you go 4-9-1 for the week. I dip to 64-66-14 for the season. Which is below average. Unfortunately, so are these picks:

Kansas City at INDIANAPOLIS (-14.5) What I took away from the Colts' unique loss to San Diego last week is that there is something visually absurd about a violent sport contested between a team in all white and a team in powder blue and white.

Arizona at CINCINNATI (-3.5) It's unfair to only report the bad news and then ignore the story when the news get better. Which is why I'm more than happy to pass along that the Bengals haven't had a player arrested all season.

TAMPA BAY at Atlanta (+3) The crippling drought in the strip club mecca of Atlanta can be partially attributed to pro athletes post-Pacman reluctance to make it rain.

Carolina at GREEN BAY (-10) I'd never thought there would come a day when Brett Favre was back to being only slightly overrated.

GIANTS at Detroit (+3) If Jesus isn't riding with the Lions anymore -- and no only son of God would allow his team to be defeated by the reeling Cardinals -- with what NFL team does He travel?

Miami at PHILADELPHIA (-10) Ricky Williams back in the NFL. Admits Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid's emotional post-game embrace made him weep.

Cleveland at BALTIMORE (+3) For the first time in the history of the former Modell Bowl, the old (new) Cleveland Browns are better than the team that used to play in Cleveland

NEW ORLEANS at Houston (even) These days Houston is full of Saints' fan; crime.

OAKLAND at Minnesota (-5) Don't worry Viking supporters, it's not like Peterson has a history of knee injuries.

SAN DIEGO at Jacksonville (-3) Though I've never been there before, I've always thought of Jacksonville as a poor man's San Diego.

Pittsburgh at JETS (+10) The Jets are like Joe Biden in that they keep competing even though they have no chance of winning and are always good for a laugh or two.

ST LOUIS at San Fransisco (+3) They might still be last in the NFC West, but the new CDC annual report on sexual transmitted diseases has St. Louis leading the entire nation in chlamydia and gonorrhea.

Chicago at SEATTLE (-6) With hard partying Rex Grossman back at the helm, expect Chicago to challenge St. Louis for at least chlamydia.

WASHINGTON at Dallas (-11) Think of it this way: Legendary coach Joe Gibbs's woeful in-game performance has finally pushed Dan Synder's controversial ownership of the Redskins into the background.

NEW ENGLAND at Buffalo (+16) Will the Patriots or the Celtics (or the Sawks) lose first? Will New England's collective head keep from exploding long enough to find out?

Tennessee at DENVER (+2) Watch exciting young quarterbacks Jay Cutler and Vince Young try not to get in the way of their offenses in this battle of AFC playoff wannabes!

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