Week 17 picks

9-7 last week, 121-121-16 for the year. Since I don't actually wager money, and my only goal here is to beat Vegas and finish over .500, week 17 is for all the marbles. This is an especially difficult week to handicap because only four teams are playing for anything. Meaning nobody has the slightest clue what players will be playing and for how long. I'm that clueless every week, so it should work to my advantage.

NEW ENGLAND at Giants (+14) After the game Bill Belichick will celebrate his team's undefeated season by eating scrambled California Condor eggs out of a bowl made from the skull of a Pygmy tribesmen. Tom Brady will be off with some model, but wishing he was instead eating condor eggs out of the skull of a Pygmy tribesmen.

Buffalo at PHILADELPHIA (-7.5) Big game for McNabb, for if the Eagles finish 8-8 in a season full of injuries and fluky what-could-have-been loses, it will make it very difficult for them to jettison their long-time, oft-injury, but only 31-years old quarterback.

SAN FRANSISCO at Cleveland (-10.5) It's too bad they shot that tiger because the 49ers could have really used her. If nothing else to block kicks, but does anybody really think the tiger would be that worse a QB than Alex Smith?

DETROIT at Green Bay (-4) Since I don't mind tooting my own horn, I have to point out that early in the season I envisioned a scenario in which Brett Favre and John McCain each stage improbable comebacks. With the playoffs and the primaries starting next week, I think it's safe to say both stubborn over-the-hill press-favorites have put themselves in the right position to shock the world.

Carolina at TAMPA BAY (+3) Did you know the Panthers are the first team in NFL history to win with four different starting QB's? Even more impressive considering they only have six wins overall.

CINCINNATI at Miami (+2.5) Credible-seeming reports suggest that Bill Parcells is considering Charlie Weis for the Dolphins' head coaching job. That is if that "Brownie" guy isn't available.

JACKSONVILLE at Houston (-7) With ten sacks in his last six games, it would have been a good year for the much-maligned Mario Williams no matter what. But Reggie Bush and Vince Young's struggles have made it even sweeter for Williams and the Texan's front office.

SEATTLE at Atlanta (-1) It's nice to see the Falcons didn't let the Michael Vick distraction ruin their season.

NEW ORLEANS at Chicago (+2) The Bears and Saints go from conference title participants to punchless also-rans in the span of a year. Life in the unsettled NFC.

DALLAS at Washington (-9) This game will be determined by how much the Cowboys want to knock their bitter rivals out of the playoffs. I'm thinking with Terry Glenn's return and a bye week coming up, Dallas will have a bit of fight in them.

PITTSBURGH at Baltimore (+4) I guess, to be the most disappointing team of the year, you have had to have been considered good at one point. So Brian Billick's ego still has that going for it.

MINNESOTA at Denver (+3) I keep getting this feeling John Edwards and his booby trapped campaign is going to pull an Iowa upset.

SAN DIEGO at Oakland (+8) With Mischa Barton getting popped for DUI yesterday, I think 2007 has been the year NFL players ceded their "most legally challenged bold facers" crown to the waifish celebutantes.

St. Louis at ARIZONA (-6) Expect some sort of Leinart/Warner QB controversy fun in '08.

Kansas City at JETS (-6) All things considered, the worst game of the season.

Tennessee at INDIANAPOLIS (+6.5) Since Indy will be resting most of their offensive starters I do think Tennessee will prevail and grab the AFC's last playoff spot. But since the Titans struggle to even score 7 points on the road, I can't in good conscious pick them to cover.