David Beckham loves carbon

In his lengthy career as a famous person David Beckham has been accused of being everything from overly metro sexual to overrated. But the latest charge against the global icon is by far the most hysterical: The British environmental group Carbon Trust has done some calculating and has concluded Beckham's carbon footprint may be the largest in human history.

But what the environmental group doesn't account for is the pleasure Beckham's carbon-birthing conspicuous consumption brings to his hundreds of millions of fans in Europe, Asia, Africa and South America -- as well as the dozens of Mexican immigrants who cheer for him in Los Angeles. While slashing his carbon footprint to a more manageable Al Gore-like level of gross largess could be the right thing to do for the planet, a David Beckham with only ten luxury cars shatters the aspirational dreams of so many of the same planet's inhabitants.

Although making the switch from a wife that runs on fossil fuels to one that is at least partially solar-powered is probably right thing to do if just to help on the not-letting-the-terrorists-win front.