Ronaldo's crying game gets even sadder

Soccer star Ronaldo has scored more World Cup goals than anyone who's ever put on shin guards, but this week he is best known as the guy who let his guard down and tried to score with a trio of transvestites.

For those of us with eyes, perhaps the most disturbing aspect to Ronaldo's wild night -- which ended with an extortion attempt and a trip to the police station -- is the low quality of cross-dresser the international celebrity was associating with.

Of course Ronaldo denied knowing his paid companions would be packing something extra, and claimed he dismissed them immediately once he discovered their special secret. Hence the extortion attempt. (Prostitution is legal in Brazil.)

Today Ronaldo formally apologized, saying he "regrets the incident" and is "ashamed by his stupid action" but denied the incident could damage his work as "UNICEF ambassador."

The only problem is Ronaldo isn't an UNICEF ambassador. In a statement on its Brazilian website the aid agency states: "UNICEF explains that Ronaldo Nazario de Lima is not ambassador of The United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund, and he does not have any link with that agency."

Actually not such a bad defense. State something so ridiculously incorrect that it gives credence to the notion you are so out of it you actually could confuse a-not-trying-very-hard transvestite with a woman. When confronted with his misstatement, Ronaldo should say something along the lines of "is that what my dog told you?" Then he can go have sex with he-shes in peace.