Thursday, August 10, 2006

You still can't spell crazy without Maurice Clarett

Hubris morphs the game-winning touchdown hero of a hard fought BCS national title game into a false police report filer and ex-college athlete at 19.

Pride drives the NFL draft pick to show up at training camp a fat, surly drunk even though he had turned down guaranteed money to sign an incentive-laden contract.

Narcissism transforms the wayward star, about to get a second chance, into a dark ally stick-up artist.

The combination of frailties that conspired to put
Maurice Clarett in a SUV, dressed in full body armor, four firearms and a hatchet riding shotgun isn't what matters, ultimately.

We may never know if Maurice Clarett was
off to assassinate a witness in the upcoming trial against him, or simply trying to make it to Georgia for the Cynthia McKinney rally.

But we will have all learned a few things from this tragic fall of this tragic hero:

Body armor isn't just for stopping low-caliber bullets. It is also quite effective against the taser. Unfortunately, cops carry mace. Maybe a gas mask next time?

Three hand guns and an assault rifle are nice. But you can't use them all at once. And sometimes firearms jam. That is why it is important to travel with a hatchet.

When a cop pulls you over, and approaches your car, taking a swig from a bottle of vodka will not endear you to him. But it is preferable to telling him that you think Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world or, if he is a she, referring to her as sugar tits.

Maurice Clarett, a human. Just like you and me. Only more so.

2 comments:

jdmain said...

JT said...
Did you see that quote from the guy who is recruiting Clarett to play for his semi-pro team. When they asked him if Clarett was still welcome he said something along the lines of I'm not worried about it, I've seen a lotworse.

Now that's the guy we should send to Iraq.

jdmain- I DID see that quote. Did you see the tunes he was pumping? Children's songs sung by prison inmates. It's a hard knock life...

JT said...

If you read the lead article over on espn they speculate Clarett thinks someone was going after his daughter. Maybe he was playing the CD to remind him why he needed to seek such well-armed revenge.