America makes the world get fries with that

We might not be able to defend the Greek pick-and-roll or make the Arabs love democracy, but let's not for a second forget who's cock of the global block.

Case in point: The world-wide obesity pandemic.

You know those jokes about Americans being fat? Well, ha-ha-ha now the rest of the planet is just as fat as America and getting fatter with each processed burger.

It was one thing when you foreigners wanted to be like us by having electricity and airplanes to fly around in. It was even understandable when you began putting ice in your drinks and took up rapping, but this . . ?

Granted, previous attempts at your own original epidemics have been pretty sorry.

The bird flu? Did anyone even die from that? You might have had the exclusive rights to the AIDS virus for a second there, but who brought it to its pandemic human form before unleashing it back upon you?

With the rest of the world willing to follow the United States anywhere -- even into health crisis, it is time to lay to rest the notion that a non-American will ever have an original idea.

This actually makes the life of the non-American very easy since they will always know what the future has in store.

For example foreigners can count on an up tick in oral sex over next few years but, on a less happy note, a lot more of the comedic stylings of Dane Cook.

And when you're dealing with that, you better hope we're figuring out a solution to this global obesity pandemic. Because if we don't, the world is going to start getting a lot more crowded.