Thursday, April 12, 2007

Most of the bigger trucks remain closet cases

It was only a decade ago that Tinky Winky, a teletubby, tried to assert his homosexuality by dressing in purple, carrying a smashing red handbag and wearing a triangle, the symbol of gay pride, over his head.

While forward thinking Americans such as Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson realized that Tinky was busting to get out of the closet, the so-called "liberal media" mocked the idea that a tellytubby could be gay.

My how the worm has turned. As their human cousins gain unprecedented intergration into mainstream society, members of non-human and inanimate gay and lesbian community (NHIGLC) are finally taking the first step to acceptance: Recognition.

And isn't it ironic that the New York Times, the paper at the forefront of denying Tinky Winky's right to have a sexual orientation, is leading the charge to recognize the NHIGLC by running this article on the undeniable sexual preferences of certain automobiles.

In truly enlightened circles, it was no longer a secret that the Miata and the Mini Cooper have a summer share together on Fire Island, or that the Subaru Outback would prefer teaching golf at a small New England girl's school to ferrying about a bunch of screaming rugrats. But now, because of today's article in the Times, it is out there for all the world to deal with.

So the next time you see something non-human or inanimate, a chair maybe, and think to yourself "that chair looks really gay," it probably is. And that's OK.

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