Friday, November 02, 2007

Week nine picks

Order was restored with me going 8-4-1 last week. 56-47-13 overall. As we head past the midway point of the season, I promise to remain in my patented 2004 mode, and completely ignore everything that has happened in the first half of this year when making my picks.

DENVER at Detroit (-3) Jon Kitna's controversial Halloween costume, which mocked assistant coach Joe Mullen's tendency to have too much to drink and get arrested for driving nude through fast food late night windows, obscured the fact head coach Rod Marinelli went as a sexy nurse again this year. And that his costumes keep getting more and more sexy.

Cincinnati at BUFFALO (+1.5) While in need of a good parsing, Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo is a grammatically correct sentence, making use of the three meanings of the word buffalo, and describing the social hierarchy of bison living in Western New York's largest city.

Washington at JETS (+4) New Jets QB Kellen Clemens is not one of Roger Clemens's many K-themed sons.

CAROLINA at Tennessee (-4) Three entire states share the same football field, making this the most unwieldy match up of the week.

Jacksonville at NEW ORLEANS (-3.5) Judging from last week's result, it looks like New Orleans finally got the wind back in their sail.

SAN DIEGO at Minnesota (+7.5) Judging from last week's result, it looks like San Diego finally had a fire lit under them.

SAN FRANSISCO at Atlanta (-3) Check out this classic ballad from Lionel Richie. Stick with it and be privy to Richie funking it up -- ever so briefly -- at about the three minute mark.

Green Bay at KANSAS CITY (-2) Thankfully, I was not there to witness Tony Kornheiser's reaction to Brett Farve's overtime winning 82 yard TD pass on Monday.

Arizona at TAMPA BAY (-3.5) The Internet wins again! New York Times to allow comments on certain news stories on their website. The comment sections will be be heavily monitored for now but, once that genie is out of the bottle, good luck with keeping the crazies at bay.

SEATTLE at Cleveland (-1.5) Cleveland proves that with an easy enough schedule you too could be a 4-3 NFL team.

Houston at OAKLAND (-3) I don't have much to say about this game. (Like I've really been dropping the knowledge on the other ones.)

NEW ENGLAND at Indianapolis (-6.5) After closing out Indianapolis with a series of late, superfluous touchdowns, Bill Belichick, realizing it will be at least a couple months before he gets to humiliate a team as good as the Colts, will look up to the heavens and weep. He will then order Tom Brady to begin impregnating the wives and girlfriends of opposing players.

Dallas at PHILADELPHIA (+3.5) Yesterday, a judge ruled Andy Reid's home a "drug emporium," giving the Eagles the inside track for the services of Ricky Williams when his suspension ends.

BALTIMORE at Pittsburgh (-10) There should be some good old fashioned hard nosed smash mouth football in this AFC Norris showdown!

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