Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Finally, there is a reason for "extreme" sports

Sometimes, when chatting with a girl I have just met, I like to keep things interesting by saying I am a race car driver. This tactic works particularly well in the Northeastern seaboard of the United States, where the chance of a female knowing anything about motor sports is close to nil.

Unlike with the other professional sports, there isn't a certain look that would disqualify the average person from claiming he drove fast cars for a living. And, although the chicks are basically in the dark about the race car game, most will have suspicions that it is both dangerous and lucrative -- two qualities many women value in a man's profession.

If pressed for details, I will go on about tire testing and meeting with the crew and having to be in Indianapolis on Wednesday. It always helps when this conversation goes down in a crowded, noisy room where it is hard to hear what the other person is saying.

I often suspect my new friend is on to me, but she admires the sneakiness of my strategy and the entertaining manner in which I stick to it.

So I was pretty happy with the whole race car driver thing until last night, when I was watching TMZ on TV. There was a segment on Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend -- the one who she met in rehab and is always described as being a "professional snowboarder." Apparently this has rankled the pro snowboarding community because none of them have ever heard of the guy. A popular snowboarding website even challenged him to provide evidence that he competes in pro events or receives money from a sponsor.

Now I'm sure he does at least own a snowboard -- much like I own a car. And therein lies the brilliance of his ruse. While my trickery has a shelf-life of hours, because he put himself into the nebulous, under-the-radar world of extreme sports he was able to be linked to one of the most scrutinized people on earth for almost a month before being revealed a fraud.

I am race car driver no more. Next time I claim pro snowboarder, or pro skateboarder, or pro mountain climber or pro whatever-the-kids-with-the-oversized-t-shirts-and-trendy-backwards-hats are.

You never know, maybe one day a pro blogger will do the trick. But until then I'm going to need to get me one of those long wallet chains.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Or just borrow Vince Vaughan's classic, succinct line from Swingers: "I'm a producer."

JT said...

The problem with that tact, is if you happen to be speaking to a wannabe actress/entertainer type (and aren't they all.) Of course that could work for you, but not everyone is as smooth as Vince Vaughn